PoemsFunny poems for kids and grown-ups
Light verse about the comedy of ordinary life: alarms that are ignored, diets that begin tomorrow, homework that hides, and uncles who dance at weddings. All clean, all short, all our own.
English
The Alarm
At five it rang. I shut it off. At ten past five, again. I told it firmly, "Five more, please," And slept right through till ten. My plans were grand the night before: A walk, a book, a run. The only race I won today Was me against the sun. (It won.)
ShareYourGroupThe Diet
On Monday I began my diet: One salad, and some air. By Tuesday I was looking at The fridge with deep despair. On Wednesday, at a wedding feast, I told my plate, "Be small." The plate, I must report with shame, Did not obey at all.
ShareYourGroupThe Weighing Machine
I stepped upon the weighing scale. It gave a little groan. It said, "One person at a time." I said, "I am alone."
ShareYourGroupPassword
My password must have capitals, A number and a sign, The name of my first teacher's cat, And be unlike the last nine. I typed it in. It said, "Too weak." I tried again: "Too long." I now have forty passwords and I know that each is wrong.
ShareYourGroupWedding Uncle
At every wedding there is one: An uncle on the floor. His tie is round his forehead now, He's asking for one more. He does the snake, he does the bulb, He's lost a shoe, I think. Tomorrow he'll deny it all. Tonight he's in the pink.
ShareYourGroupThe Remote
The remote is lost. We search the couch, The table and the floor. We blame the dog, we blame the kids, We look behind the door. An hour gone, the show is done, We give the search a rest. And Father stands, and there it is: He sat on it. He's blessed.
ShareYourGroupGroup Photo
"Say cheese!" Somebody blinked. Again. "Say cheese!" The baby cried. "Say cheese!" The tall one blocked the short, And Grandpa stepped outside. On take eleven, all in place, All smiling, all in view, The battery of the phone gave up. We'll meet next year. Adieu.
ShareYourGroupTwo Trains
A train leaves Delhi at ten to nine, Another leaves at three. They ask me when the two will meet. They never think of me. I'd tell them: trains run late, my friend, By hours, give or take. The only two things sure to meet Are me and my mistake.
ShareYourGroup
हिन्दी
अलार्म
पाँच बजे का अलार्म लगाया, सोचा, दौड़ने जाऊँगा। पाँच बजे उसको बंद किया, सोचा, छह पर जाऊँगा। छह बजे फिर बंद किया, सात बजे फिर बंद किया। दस बजे जब आँख खुली, दौड़ के दफ़्तर चला गया।
ShareYourGroupडाइट
सोमवार से डाइट शुरू की, खाया बस सलाद। मंगल को समोसे दिखे, आई माँ की याद। बुध को शादी में पहुँचा, प्लेट से कहा: कम। प्लेट ने मेरी एक न मानी, फिर से वही हम।
ShareYourGroupहोमवर्क
मैडम जी, होमवर्क किया था, सच कहता हूँ, किया था। बस कॉपी कहीं रख दी है, बस्ता कहीं रख दिया था। कुत्ता बेचारा निर्दोष है, भाई ने भी नहीं छुआ। कल ज़रूर ले आऊँगा मैं, बस आज ज़रा सा रह गया।
ShareYourGroupरिमोट
रिमोट कहाँ है? ढूँढो, ढूँढो, सोफ़ा, मेज़, दराज़। बच्चों पर इल्ज़ाम लगा, मम्मी हुईं नाराज़। घंटा बीता, शो भी छूटा, हारे सब घर वाले। पापा उठे तो नीचे निकला, बैठे थे रिमोट सँभाले।
ShareYourGroupमोबाइल
खाना ठंडा, चाय ठंडी, ठंडी हो गई बात। घर के चारों लोग हैं बैठे, चारों के फ़ोन हाथ। मम्मी बोलीं ग्रुप में लिखकर: "खाना खा लो आकर।" सबने भेजा अँगूठा ऊपर, कोई न आया उठकर।
ShareYourGroupग्रुप फ़ोटो
सब लोग पास आओ ज़रा, मुस्कुराओ, स्माइल। किसी ने आँखें बंद कर लीं, कोई देखे मोबाइल। ग्यारहवीं बार जब सब ठीक थे, सब थे फ़्रेम में साथ। फ़ोन की बैटरी बोल गई, फिर मिलेंगे, शुभ रात।
ShareYourGroup
ਪੰਜਾਬੀ
ਅਲਾਰਮ
ਪੰਜ ਵਜੇ ਦਾ ਅਲਾਰਮ ਲਾਇਆ, ਸੈਰ ਨੂੰ ਜਾਣਾ ਸੀ। ਪੰਜ ਵਜੇ ਮੈਂ ਬੰਦ ਕਰ ਦਿੱਤਾ, ਥੋੜ੍ਹਾ ਹੋਰ ਸੌਣਾ ਸੀ। ਛੇ ਵਜੇ ਫਿਰ ਬੰਦ ਕੀਤਾ, ਸੱਤ ਵਜੇ ਫਿਰ ਬੰਦ। ਦਸ ਵਜੇ ਜਦ ਅੱਖ ਖੁੱਲ੍ਹੀ, ਸੈਰ ਦਾ ਮੁੱਕਿਆ ਪੰਧ।
ShareYourGroupਵਿਆਹ ਵਾਲਾ ਚਾਚਾ
ਹਰ ਵਿਆਹ ਵਿੱਚ ਇੱਕ ਚਾਚਾ ਹੁੰਦਾ, ਡੀ ਜੇ ਅੱਗੇ ਨੱਚਦਾ। ਪੱਗ ਢਿੱਲੀ, ਜੁੱਤੀ ਗੁਆਚੀ, ਫਿਰ ਵੀ ਨਹੀਂ ਉਹ ਥੱਕਦਾ। ਸਵੇਰੇ ਪੁੱਛੋ ਤਾਂ ਮੁੱਕਰ ਜਾਂਦਾ: "ਮੈਂ ਤਾਂ ਬੈਠਾ ਰਿਹਾ ਸੀ।" ਵੀਡੀਓ ਵਿੱਚ ਪਰ ਸਾਫ਼ ਦਿਸਦਾ, ਨਾਗਣ ਡਾਂਸ ਕਰ ਰਿਹਾ ਸੀ।
ShareYourGroup
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Why funny poems are harder than they look
A serious poem can limp and still be respected. A funny one has to land. The joke lives in the rhythm and the last line, so these poems are built to be read aloud: a steady beat, a clear rhyme, and a turn at the end. If you are choosing one for a recitation, pick the one that makes you laugh, because the audience can tell.
How to recite a funny poem
- Keep a straight face. The speaker who laughs first gets fewer laughs.
- Speak the build-up at normal speed, then slow down for the last two lines.
- Pause for half a second before the final line. That pause is where the laugh gets ready.
- If the audience laughs, wait. Do not talk over it. Start again when it fades.
- Use one prop at most: an alarm clock, a school bag, a plate.
Where to use them
- Recitation competitions, where one funny poem after five serious ones wins the room.
- Class parties, Children's Day programmes and talent shows.
- Family group chats on a slow Sunday.
- The light part of a farewell or birthday speech.
Who is the joke on?
Every poem here laughs at the speaker, at a situation everyone shares, or at an object such as an alarm clock or a weighing machine. None laughs at a person for how they look, speak, or where they come from. Keep to that rule when you write your own, and your poem will be welcome everywhere. Clean jokes without rhyme are on our sister site, Jokes.
Good to know
- The best funny poem for a child to recite is one about something the child actually does.
Questions
Are these poems clean?
Yes. They are safe for school stages and family groups.
Can I use one in a school competition?
Yes. Say "a poem from ShareYourGroup" if you are asked for the poet's name.